Homeschool Socialization: How to Build Social Skills at Home
What the research actually says about homeschooling and social development, the social skills children need, and practical ways to teach and practice them at home and in the community.
“But what about socialization?” Almost every homeschool family hears it, often from well-meaning relatives. It is a fair question, and it deserves a better answer than either “My kids are fine” or “School isn’t real socialization anyway.”
The honest answer is this: homeschooled children can develop strong social skills, and research suggests many do. But social skills do not develop automatically in any setting, home or school. They grow through teaching, practice, and regular time with other people.
What the Research Says
Homeschooled children generally do well socially, with caveats.
A review found that homeschooled children showed social skills, friendships, and well-being comparable to or better than conventionally schooled peers in many studies. The author also noted important limitations: many studies used small, non-random samples and relied heavily on self-reports.[1]
Findings on social skills specifically are mixed.
Some studies find no difference, some find homeschoolers score higher, and some find they score lower. Homeschooled students with more opportunities for peer interaction tend to show stronger social skills.[2]
Social skills matter long-term.
In a study following children from kindergarten into adulthood, children with stronger social competence in kindergarten were more likely to graduate from college and hold full-time jobs. The study is correlational, but it suggests these skills are worth investing in.[3]
The takeaway: The question is not whether homeschooling helps or harms social development. It is whether a child gets enough teaching and practice. Homeschool families who are intentional about both are well positioned.
Socialization vs. Social Skills
These two ideas often get mixed together.
Socialization
The broad process of learning a culture's norms, values, and ways of interacting. It happens through family, community, faith, activities, and media — not only school.
Social Skills
The specific abilities children use with other people:
Focusing on specific skills makes the socialization question practical: instead of worrying in general, you can notice which skills your child has and which need practice.
Social Skills by Age
Ages 5–6
- Greets familiar people and peers
- Takes turns with help
- Shares sometimes, with reminders
- Names basic feelings in self and others
- Plays cooperatively for short periods
- Uses words instead of grabbing or hitting, most of the time
Ages 7–8
- Joins a group game by asking
- Follows game rules and handles losing with some support
- Notices when someone is left out
- Uses simple problem-solving steps in disagreements
- Has one or more regular friends
Ages 9–11
- Keeps a conversation going with questions and comments
- Cooperates on group projects with assigned roles
- Understands different points of view
- Resolves most conflicts with peers without adult help
- Stands up for others appropriately
Every child develops differently. Use these as general guideposts, not deadlines.
How to Teach Social Skills at Home
Teach skills directly
Do not wait for social skills to appear on their own. Name the skill, model it, practice it, and talk about it afterward. Short, regular lessons work best. See kindergarten character and social skills plan.
Use siblings as practice partners
Sibling relationships provide daily practice with sharing, negotiating, waiting, and repairing after conflict. When siblings argue, coach them through problem-solving steps instead of solving it for them. See problem solving for K-5.
Role-play before real situations
Practice with stuffed animals, puppets, or family members before a co-op, class, or playdate: how to ask to join a game, what to say if someone says no, how to introduce yourself.
Read and discuss stories
Stories let children practice understanding others’ feelings and choices. Ask: “How did she feel? What would you have done?” See SEL read-alouds. See also morning basket ideas.
Play games
Board games, card games, and group games practice turn-taking, following rules, and losing gracefully. See SEL games.
Hold family meetings
A short weekly family meeting gives children practice listening, sharing opinions, and solving problems together.
Model social skills
Children watch how adults greet people, handle disagreements, apologize, and show kindness. Narrate your own choices: “I’m going to let Mrs. Lee go first since she’s in a hurry.”
Where Homeschooled Children Can Practice With Peers
Because research suggests that more peer interaction is linked to stronger social skills,[2] regular time with other children is important.
Homeschool co-ops
with group classes
Sports teams
and recreational leagues
Music, art, dance, or theater classes
Library programs
and story times
Scouting and clubs
Faith communities
and youth groups
Nature groups, park days, and field trips
with other homeschool families
Volunteering
as a family
Regular playdates
with the same few friends, which help deeper friendships form
Many homeschooled children also spend a lot of time with people of different ages, which gives them practice talking with adults and younger children.
Coaching Children Before, During, and After Social Situations
Before
- Choose one skill to focus on: “Today, try asking someone to play.”
- Practice what to say.
- Talk about what might happen and how to handle it.
During
- Give space for children to try on their own.
- Step in quietly only if needed.
- Notice successes to mention later.
After
- Ask one or two questions: “Who did you play with? What went well?”
- Praise effort: “You asked to join even though you felt shy. That took courage.”
- Plan one thing to try next time.
Common Social Challenges and What to Do
A shy child.
Start with small, predictable groups and the same few friends. Role-play first, and let your child warm up at their own pace. Shyness is a temperament, not a problem to fix.
Conflict with peers.
Teach simple steps: stop and calm down, say the problem, think of ideas, choose one. See conflict resolution activities.
Feeling left out.
Listen first, then help your child find one or two friends to connect with regularly. See what to do when a child says nobody likes me.
Struggling with losing.
Practice with low-stakes games at home. See how to help a child who always wants to be first.
Big emotions in group settings.
Teach calming strategies at home first. See emotional regulation.
When to Seek More Support
Talk with your child's pediatrician or a qualified professional if your child:
Seems persistently unable to connect with peers despite many opportunities
Shows intense anxiety about social situations that interferes with daily life
Has frequent aggressive behavior toward other children
Has difficulty with communication, eye contact, or understanding social cues that concerns you
Seems persistently sad or withdrawn
These can have many causes, and early support often helps.
What to Avoid
Assuming social skills will develop on their own.
In any setting, children benefit from direct teaching and practice.
Isolating practice to siblings only.
Siblings are great practice partners, but children also need time with peers outside the family.
Over-managing every interaction.
Children need room to try, struggle, and solve small problems themselves.
Comparing your child to others.
Social development varies widely, especially by temperament.
Getting defensive about the question.
When relatives ask about socialization, sharing what you are doing to build social skills is often more convincing than arguing.
Final Thoughts
The research suggests that homeschooled children can develop strong social skills, and that more opportunities to interact with peers are linked to better outcomes.[1][2] The most useful answer to “What about socialization?” is a plan: teach specific skills at home, practice them with siblings and through stories and games, and give children regular time with peers in your community.
Social skills are not a school subject or a homeschool subject. They are life skills, and they can be taught anywhere.
References
- [1]
Medlin, R. G. (2013). Homeschooling and the question of socialization revisited. Peabody Journal of Education, 88(3), 284-297.
https://doi.org/10.1080/0161956X.2013.796825 - [2]
Parenting Translator. (2021, September). The research on homeschooling. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/parenting-translator/202109/the-research-homeschooling - [3]
Jones, D. E., Greenberg, M., & Crowley, M. (2015). Early social-emotional functioning and public health: The relationship between kindergarten social competence and future wellness. American Journal of Public Health, 105(11), 2283-2290.
https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2015.302630 - [4]
Durlak, J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405-432.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x - [5]
Cipriano, C., Strambler, M. J., Naples, L. H., et al. (2023). The state of evidence for social and emotional learning: A contemporary meta-analysis of universal school-based SEL interventions. Child Development, 94(5), 1181-1204.
https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13968
Teach Social Skills at Home, Week by Week
Be The Buffalo gives homeschool families 40 weeks of short lessons on friendship, empathy, sharing, conflict resolution, and more, with stories featuring Benny and Bella the buffalo, original songs, interactive activities, and printables for K-5, in English and Spanish. No prep. Start with four free weeks, including 12 printables, with no credit card.
Sign Up Free