They sprint to the door when you say “line up.” Their hand shoots up before you finish the question, or they skip the hand entirely and shout the answer. They finish the worksheet in four minutes and announce it to the room. They cry, argue, or quit when someone else wins the game.
Almost every elementary classroom has at least one student who always wants to be first. It can look like a minor annoyance, but it often causes real friction: pushing in line, arguments with classmates, rushed and careless work, and a student who struggles to enjoy anything they do not win.
Wanting to be first is not a character flaw. It usually reflects a mix of normal development, still-growing impulse control, and what the student has learned about what matters.
The good news is that most of it responds well to classroom structure and explicit teaching. This guide covers why students want to be first, what the research says about the skills involved, and practical strategies for lining up, answering questions, finishing work, and games.
What the Research Says
Research on the Skills Behind “Being First”
Sources: Moffitt et al.[1] Diamond & Lee[3] Fehr et al.[4] Roseth et al.[8]
Self-Control Matters, and It Develops Over Time
A long-term study of about 1,000 children in Dunedin, New Zealand, found that childhood self-control, measured between ages 3 and 11, predicted adult health, finances, and criminal outcomes, even after accounting for intelligence and family background.[1]
The “marshmallow test” replication found the link was much weaker than originally reported and shrank further once family background was accounted for.[2] The takeaway: waiting is one skill among many, and it can grow.
Executive Function Skills Can Be Strengthened
A review of interventions for children ages 4 to 12 found that executive function skills, including inhibitory control, can be improved through practice, and that children who start with the weakest skills tend to benefit most.[3]
Classroom Goals Shape What Students Value
Classrooms that emphasize improvement, effort, and understanding tend to encourage mastery goals, while classrooms that emphasize rankings, speed, and comparison tend to encourage performance goals.[6] A student who always needs to be first may be responding to what they believe their classroom values.
Praise Affects How Students Handle Difficulty
Children praised for being smart were more likely to avoid challenges and to struggle after failure than children praised for effort.[7] For a student who equates being first with being good, praise for speed reinforces the pattern.
How Fairness Develops (Ages 3-8)
A kindergartner pushing to be first is often developmentally typical — a third grader doing it may have different drivers[4][5]
Self-favoring
Younger children tend to favor themselves when distributing resources
Equal-sharing preference: ~30%
Emerging equality
Children begin preferring equal outcomes between themselves and others
Equal-sharing preference: ~55%
Strong equality
Children will even discard a resource to avoid creating an unequal outcome
Equal-sharing preference: ~80%
Why Some Students Always Want to Be First
Different students want to be first for different reasons — the reason shapes the response.
Normal Development
Young children are still developing perspective-taking. Wanting to be first is simply typical.
Impulse Control Still Developing
The body moves before the brain catches up. Especially common in younger students and those with attention difficulties.
First = Good
If the student has learned that the fastest person is the best, anything else feels like failure.
Fear of Missing Out
Some rush because they fear there won't be enough: turns, materials, or the teacher's attention.
Need for Control
For anxious students, being at the front reduces uncertainty.
Fairness Concerns
"I never get to be first" is sometimes accurate. Unpredictable systems intensify the fight.
Outside Patterns
Sibling rivalry, competitive sports, or family emphasis on winning shapes school behavior.
Seeking Connection
Being first is a reliable way to get teacher attention or approval.
Underlying Needs
Persistent impulsivity and intense reactions to losing may be associated with ADHD, anxiety, or other needs.
🚶 Strategies for Lining Up
The line is often where first-place behavior is most visible
Use a Predictable Rotation
A line leader chart that rotates daily, or a numbered order that shifts every week. When students know their turn will come, the urgency to push decreases.
Make Every Spot Valuable
Give the last person a job too — "caboose," door holder, or light checker. When the end of the line has a role, the front is not the only desirable spot.
Use Random Selection
Name sticks, a random name picker, or calling students by shirt color or birthday month removes speed from the equation.
Teach and Practice
Practice walking to the line when everyone is calm. Make it a routine with clear steps.
Don't Reward the Rush
If the fastest students always get to the front, the rushing will continue. Call students by group or name instead.
✋ Strategies for Answering Questions
Blurting out answers is one of the most common forms of always wanting to be first
Build In Think Time
Wait several seconds after asking. Tell students: "I'm going to wait until I see lots of thinking faces."
"No Hands Up" Questioning
Call on students randomly using name sticks. Everyone has to be ready, and speed no longer determines who speaks.
Whole-Class Response Tools
Mini whiteboards, thumbs up/down, or response cards let every student answer at once.
Turn-and-Talk
Fast thinkers share with a partner right away. Other students get time to think.
Give a Holding Strategy
"If you know the answer, put your thumb on your chest and keep thinking about why." Gives impulsive students something to do with the urge.
Acknowledge the Waiting
"I noticed you waited for your turn even though you knew the answer. That takes self-control."
📝 Strategies for Finishing Work
When students race through work to be done before everyone else
“Done”
- ✗ Finished fast
- ✗ Rushed handwriting
- ✗ Skipped parts
- ✗ No checking
“Done Well”
- ✓ Checked answers
- ✓ Best handwriting
- ✓ Every part answered
- ✓ Tried a new strategy
Stop Announcing Who Finished First
Even well-meant "Wow, Jayden is already done!" tells everyone that speed matters most.
Praise Process, Not Pace
"You checked your work carefully." "You tried a new strategy on that hard problem." Effort and strategy praise supports healthier motivation.
Offer Meaningful "What's Next" Options
Extension or challenge tasks that are genuinely interesting, rather than more of the same, remove the incentive to rush to free time.
Teach That People Need Different Time
Discuss openly that finishing first does not mean someone is smarter.
🎮 Strategies for Games and Competition
Many students who always want to be first struggle most with losing
Teach Good Sportsmanship
Practice specific phrases: "Good game." "Nice job." "Maybe next time." Role-play both winning and losing gracefully.
Name the Feeling
Losing feels disappointing, frustrated, or embarrassed. Help students name the feeling and use a calming strategy. See our emotional regulation guide.
Mix in Cooperative Games
Games where the whole class works together give students a chance to experience success without someone else losing. See our teamwork activities.
Talk About What Makes a Game Fun
"What was fun about that game, even for the people who didn't win?" Helps students find value beyond the outcome.
Practice Losing in Low-Stakes Ways
Short, quick games where outcomes change often give students many small chances to practice handling a loss.
Watch for Intense Reactions
If losing reliably leads to outbursts, the student may need additional support. See our helping angry students.
Teaching the Skill of Waiting
Waiting is a skill, and it can be taught directly.
Name It
Talk explicitly about waiting: what it means, why it is hard, and why it matters.
Give Something to Do
Counting, deep breathing, humming, or a quiet hand motion. Waiting with nothing to do is much harder.
Use Visual Timers
For younger students especially, seeing time pass makes waiting more concrete.
Practice in Small Doses
Start with very short waits and gradually increase. Notice success: "You waited the whole time!"
Play Waiting Games
Red Light Green Light, Simon Says, and freeze dance build inhibitory control in a playful way.
"My Turn Will Come"
For students who worry about missing out, a simple phrase backed by a predictable rotation builds trust.
These are the kinds of activities that research on executive function suggests can strengthen self-control through practice.[3] See our guide to self-regulation activities for more ideas.
Supporting an Individual Student
If one student's need to be first continues despite classroom-wide strategies:
Observe the Pattern
When does it happen? Lining up, games, answering, finishing? Is it worse at certain times of day, with certain peers, or during certain activities?
Talk Privately and Get Curious
"I notice being first is really important to you. What's it like when you're not first?" The answer reveals whether the driver is impulse, worry, fairness, competition, or something else.
Make a Plan Together
Choose one situation to work on. Agree on a strategy and practice it.
Give a Meaningful Job
A real role — door holder, materials helper — gives them responsibility without needing to be at the front.
Talk With the Family
Families can share what they see at home and reinforce the same language and strategies.
Differentiating by Grade Band
What “always first” looks like and how to respond shifts across K-5
🧒 Kindergarten & First Grade
Wanting to be first is developmentally common; impulse control is still emerging.
- • Focus on predictable routines and rotations
- • Teach waiting through songs, games, and movement
- • Use visual tools like line order charts and timers
- • Celebrate small successes with waiting and taking turns
- • Use stories about characters who struggle to wait — see SEL read-alouds
- • For more: kindergarten SEL curriculum guide
👧 Second & Third Grade
Students are increasingly aware of fairness and of how they compare to peers.
- • Make rotation systems transparent so students see turns are fair
- • Teach good sportsmanship explicitly and practice often
- • Introduce quality checklists for work
- • Begin discussing the difference between doing your best and being the best
- • Address comparisons directly: “Everyone learns at a different pace”
🧑 Fourth & Fifth Grade
The need may show up less as pushing in line and more as competitiveness about grades, games, and being right.
- • Have private conversations about what drives the need to win
- • Emphasize personal improvement over ranking — see goal setting
- • Discuss growth mindset and learning from mistakes — see perseverance
- • Give leadership roles that require helping others, not just being in front
- • Involve students in designing fair classroom systems
What to Avoid
Rewarding Speed
Letting the fastest students line up first, answer first, or get free time first teaches everyone that speed is what matters.
Constant Competition
Rankings, races, and leaderboards can intensify the need to be first and discourage students who rarely win.
Shaming
"Why do you always have to be first?" said in front of the class embarrasses without teaching.
Inconsistent Turn Systems
If the line leader changes based on who the teacher notices, students who feel overlooked will fight harder.
Praising Only Outcomes
"You won!" or "You were first!" teaches that the result matters more than how the student got there.
Expecting Adult-Level Patience
Young children will still struggle sometimes, even with good instruction. Look for improvement, not perfection.
Eliminating All Competition
Some competition is healthy and fun. The goal is balance and teaching students to handle both winning and losing.
Measuring Progress
Track a few simple indicators over several weeks
Progress Indicators
Lining Up
Is the student pushing less? Can they accept a spot other than first?
Answering
Blurting less often? Can they wait for think time?
Work Quality
Checking work rather than rushing?
Games
Fewer outbursts? Using sportsmanship phrases?
Waiting
How long can they wait? Is that time increasing?
Peer Relationships
Fewer conflicts over turns and order?
Final Thoughts
A student who always wants to be first is usually not being selfish on purpose. They are working with developing impulse control, a still-growing sense of fairness, and whatever they have learned about what makes a person successful.
Research suggests that self-control can be strengthened through practice, that fairness reasoning develops a lot during the elementary years, and that classrooms that value improvement over ranking support healthier motivation.[3][4][6]
Predictable systems, cooperative structures, explicit teaching of waiting and sportsmanship, and praise for process rather than speed all help. None of them require eliminating competition. They require making sure being first is not the only way to matter.
First is just a place in line. The skills that come from waiting last a lot longer.
References
- [1]
Moffitt, T. E., Arseneault, L., Belsky, D., Dickson, N., Hancox, R. J., Harrington, H., Houts, R., Poulton, R., Roberts, B. W., Ross, S., Sears, M. R., Thomson, W. M., & Caspi, A. (2011). A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 2693-2698.
https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1010076108 - [2]
Watts, T. W., Duncan, G. J., & Quan, H. (2018). Revisiting the marshmallow test: A conceptual replication investigating links between early delay of gratification and later outcomes. Psychological Science, 29(7), 1159-1177.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618761661 - [3]
Diamond, A., & Lee, K. (2011). Interventions shown to aid executive function development in children 4 to 12 years old. Science, 333(6045), 959-964.
https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1204529 - [4]
Fehr, E., Bernhard, H., & Rockenbach, B. (2008). Egalitarianism in young children. Nature, 454(7208), 1079-1083.
https://doi.org/10.1038/nature07155 - [5]
Shaw, A., & Olson, K. R. (2012). Children discard a resource to avoid inequity. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 141(2), 382-395.
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0025907 - [6]
Ames, C. (1992). Classrooms: Goals, structures, and student motivation. Journal of Educational Psychology, 84(3), 261-271.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0663.84.3.261 - [7]
Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children's motivation and performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 33-52.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.1.33 - [8]
Roseth, C. J., Johnson, D. W., & Johnson, R. T. (2008). Promoting early adolescents' achievement and peer relationships: The effects of cooperative, competitive, and individualistic goal structures. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 223-246.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.134.2.223 - [9]
Durlak, J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405-432.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x - [10]
Cipriano, C., Strambler, M. J., Naples, L. H., et al. (2023). The state of evidence for social and emotional learning: A contemporary meta-analysis of universal school-based SEL interventions. Child Development, 94(5), 1181-1204.
https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13968
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